Why Do We Withhold our Love?

Many of us crave love, affection and attention, yet we can hold ourselves back from receiving the exact thing we want.  It doesn’t make sense does it?
If your single, you may have experienced past partners who withheld their love. And, if you are presently in a relationship you may be experiencing the withholding of love from your partner.
You may have experienced your parents holding their love back when you were young (or even still) and you may be repeating the pattern unconsciously or consciously.
So, what does withholding love look like? Below are possible scenarios within an intimate relationship past or present.
You know that your partner absolutely loves when you kiss them yet you hold back on giving such pleasure.
You know your partner absolutely adores you yet you hold yourself back from looking deeply into their eyes.
You know your partner yearns for your touch yet you hold back your hugs and affection.
You know that holding your partners hand brings them joy yet you hold back and only give your hand when it is convenient for you.
You know your partner just walked into the room yet you hold back from acknowledging their presence.
You know your partner is sad and seeking comfort yet you ignore their emotions and only focus on what you need.
You know your partner wants to hear about your day yet you hold back from communicating and creating connection.
You know your partner has deep feelings for you yet you hold back your love for fear of commitment.
You know your partner seeks to hear inspiring and encouraging words yet you hold back from complimenting their achievements or strengths.
You know your partner desires a more spiritual connection yet you hold back from sharing your soul.
You know your partner has behaved badly so you hold back your love to punish them and are unable to forgive.
The problem with pulling love away is it actually hurts the person who is pulling the love away and to make matters worse it actually hurts the relationship too.
As Marianne Williamson stated, withholding love is a form of self-sabatoge, as what we withhold from others we are withholding from ourselves.
When you withhold your love you are also blocking your own abundance, joy, happiness, and all good things the universe wants to give you.
So why do we withhold our love? Withholding love is a form of punishment? We withhold our love because we were taught to withhold. We hold our love because when we feel hurt we want our partner to hurt.
If you want to live in a passionate and fulfilling relationship that lasts, then pulling love away will never get you what you want. When you withhold love your partner will mirror you and you both end up moving towards resentment and loss of respect which can end the relationship.
The time is now to become aware of the moments in which you withhold your love and then ask yourself…
  1. Do I want to destroy my relationship or do I want to grow it?
  2. Do I want to keep the relationship, and am I willing to put the effort in?
  3. When my partner withholds love it doesn’t feel good. So why do I continue with a bad habit when I know this doesn’t work?
  4. What stops me from holding hands, showing affection or listening at a deeper level is….
Since you are on the path of personal development, you will begin to make your relationships (intimate in this case) a priority when you search for a new solution, a solution that will grow the relationship, a solution that will bring you closer together.
This is where you may discover the voice of your inner “Sabotager”. This self is a voice in your mind that does not want you to experience love and connection and this part of you, will do anything to have you believe in the worst.
Take Inspired Action:
Write our a list all the thoughts or beliefs your “Sabotager self” has for example “being vulnerable means losing control and I will never lose control.” Take your time as you will be (maybe for the first time) becoming aware of negative thought patterns that you have held on to for some time.  Remember, this Sabotager self is not your true identity – as the highest version of you is loving and kind. As you become aware of your inner sabotager and allow this part of you to express and then forgive, you begin to breakthrough the cycle of holding yourself back from receiving love – Self Love!
Now start writing from an empowered place. For example:
I no longer choose to believe in punishing myself or the ones I love.
I now forgive myself for withholding love in the past.
I now choose to seek a new path, a more loving path of connection and affection.
I know choose to overcome my fear of intimacy and allow my SOUL greater expression.


Make expanding your heart your new mission in life. Love never causes pain. It is a closed heart that causes unnecessary suffering.
Ralph Emerson once said.. The love you withhold is the pain you carry.
As you commit to giving love, gratitude and appreciation for who you are with, the universe will give you the same ten fold.
You are here to be the love you are.
Karen Klassen

Karen and Alan own Imagine Seminar and Coaching. We are passionate about sharing higher ideas on how we can all rise up, embrace our purpose and live a beautiful life. If you are ready to Live a High Vibrational Life in your relationships or business contact us today.