Many of us crave love, affection and attention, yet we can hold ourselves back from receiving the exact thing we want. It doesn’t make sense does it?
If your single, you may have experienced past partners who withheld their love. And, if you are presently in a relationship you may be experiencing the withholding of love from your partner.
You may have experienced your parents holding their love back when you were young (or even still) and you may be repeating the pattern unconsciously or consciously.
So, what does withholding love look like? Below are possible scenarios within an intimate relationship past or present.
You know that your partner absolutely loves when you kiss them yet you hold back on giving such pleasure.
You know your partner absolutely adores you yet you hold yourself back from looking deeply into their eyes.
You know your partner yearns for your touch yet you hold back your hugs and affection.
You know that holding your partners hand brings them joy yet you hold back and only give your hand when it is convenient for you.
You know your partner just walked into the room yet you hold back from acknowledging their presence.
You know your partner is sad and seeking comfort yet you ignore their emotions and only focus on what you need.
You know your partner wants to hear about your day yet you hold back from communicating and creating connection.
You know your partner has deep feelings for you yet you hold back your love for fear of commitment.
You know your partner seeks to hear inspiring and encouraging words yet you hold back from complimenting their achievements or strengths.
You know your partner desires a more spiritual connection yet you hold back from sharing your soul.
You know your partner has behaved badly so you hold back your love to punish them and are unable to forgive.
The problem with pulling love away is it actually hurts the person who is pulling the love away and to make matters worse it actually hurts the relationship too.
As Marianne Williamson stated, withholding love is a form of self-sabatoge, as what we withhold from others we are withholding from ourselves.
When you withhold your love you are also blocking your own abundance, joy, happiness, and all good things the universe wants to give you.
So why do we withhold our love? Withholding love is a form of punishment? We withhold our love because we were taught to withhold. We hold our love because when we feel hurt we want our partner to hurt.
If you want to live in a passionate and fulfilling relationship that lasts, then pulling love away will never get you what you want. When you withhold love your partner will mirror you and you both end up moving towards resentment and loss of respect which can end the relationship.
The time is now to become aware of the moments in which you withhold your love and then ask yourself…
Do I want to destroy my relationship or do I want to grow it?
Do I want to keep the relationship, and am I willing to put the effort in?
When my partner withholds love it doesn’t feel good. So why do I continue with a bad habit when I know this doesn’t work?
What stops me from holding hands, showing affection or listening at a deeper level is….
Since you are on the path of personal development, you will begin to make your relationships (intimate in this case) a priority when you search for a new solution, a solution that will grow the relationship, a solution that will bring you closer together.
This is where you may discover the voice of your inner “Sabotager”. This self is a voice in your mind that does not want you to experience love and connection and this part of you, will do anything to have you believe in the worst.
Take Inspired Action:
Write our a list all the thoughts or beliefs your “Sabotager self” has for example “being vulnerable means losing control and I will never lose control.” Take your time as you will be (maybe for the first time) becoming aware of negative thought patterns that you have held on to for some time. Remember, this Sabotagerself is not your true identity – as the highest version of you is loving and kind. As you become aware of your inner sabotager and allow this part of you to express and then forgive, you begin to breakthrough the cycle of holding yourself back from receiving love – Self Love!
Now start writing from an empowered place. For example:
I no longer choose to believe in punishing myself or the ones I love.
I now forgive myself for withholding love in the past.
I now choose to seek a new path, a more loving path of connection and affection.
I know choose to overcome my fear of intimacy and allow my SOUL greater expression.
Make expanding your heart your new mission in life. Love never causes pain. It is a closed heart that causes unnecessary suffering.
Ralph Emerson once said.. The love you withhold is the pain you carry.
As you commit to giving love, gratitude and appreciation for who you are with, the universe will give you the same ten fold.
Have you ever experienced another person who blamed you for how they feel? Or have you ever blamed someone else for how you feel? We all have. It is what we have been taught to do at a young age. Now it is time to remember who you are. If you are on your path to personal and spiritual development (that is why you are here) then you will discover a deeper truth – nothing outside of you can affect you. Nothing outside of you can make you feel angry or broken without your permission.
Take a deep breath!
This is what is known as personal accountability for one’s emotional states. If you choose not to acknowledge deep hurts and refuse to work through obstacles to regain emotional health, you become vulnerable in relationships.
Many people will use their “hut” to sabotage their own growth. They will constantly focus on ‘you hurt me’ when in fact it is their own thoughts and beliefs about themselves that is causing the hurt.
When you have activated our own light and allow that light to grow nothing outside of you will hurt you or can hurt you because your vibrational frequency is high and nothing below it can affect you in a negative way without your permission. When you are resonating in LOVE (your true nature) this is the greatest power in the universe.
When someone triggers you and you feel an old wound opening.. remember that it is happening because your soul wants you to heal the past and the belief system that no longer serves you.. The person who is with you in the present moment is not the CAUSE of your emotional pain..The cause of your pain is your own thoughts and beliefs about another.. It is you forgetting who you are, forgetting your true identity. Most people do not want to do the deep inner work and so they focus on blaming others for how they feel. Unfortunately, blame keeps you stuck in the past.
Remember, There is nothing more POWERFUL than your inner BRILLIANCE.. Nothing can hurt, squash, or kill your inner BRILLIANCE. Every human being has a Brilliant Self, a higher self that has never felt pain or hurt. This is the part of you that you may have forgotten. Now is the time to remember who you are at the core.
I have heard the nastiest of comments about me over the years and there words do not penetrate.. why ? because I know who I AM and if I feel that I am being triggered I only need to reflect on my own beliefs that are calling to be transformed..
I never want to see you hiding your own light. You are here to be seen and to allow your inner beauty to SHINE!
You are not a victim and as long as you believe others are the cause of your suffering you will repeat the same year after year after year and wonder why life did not change for you.
You are here to RISE up!! You are here to become the person you are meant to be and that journey is what can cause all the emotional pain to SURFACE so it can be healed and transformed.
When the pain surfaces we attach it to who ever we are with when in actuallity they are the divine messanger reminding you that you forgot who you are.
What ever you believe is OUTSIDE of you causing you pain — all you need to do is look INSIDE and begin having conversations with the SELF who is actually causing the pain. This is a journey of SELF LOVE! To stop pointing a finger because there are always three fingers pointing back at you.
I love when my clients are committed to growth.. committed to being unstoppable and having the courage to dive deep and FORGIVE themselves. This is how they rise up to be the brilliant woman they are meant to be.
No more blame. No more victim mentality.. Only personal responsibility – Only personal accountability to see life and others from a higher perspective.
You only have divine messengers in your life who the GOD of your understanding brought to you because you ASKED for it!!
You asked for your dreams to come true.
And so it is!
If you are ready to dive deep and reclaim your power…message me.
Having a happy relationship is one of the greatest foundations for happiness, health, wealth, well-being and satisfaction in life. Below are the guidelines I follow. They have guided me through the storms, the setbacks and the challenges I have faced as I made the journey to living a high vibrational life. I define a high vibrational life as a life rich with love, kindness and respect.
Remember, there is no judgment here. I get that you are doing the best you can with what you know. This message is to inspire you to achieve a higher level of mental and emotional mastery so you can break the chains of the past and fully live your life by design.
One: Your Beliefs About Your Partner Create Your Experience
Have you ever been with a friend and all they did was talk negatively about their spouse/partner? Then they wonder why they are not happy in their relationship. What is important to understand is that any negative beliefs you have about your partner will create unnecessary suffering. Your negative beliefs will have you seeing the worst and only focusing on your partner’s faults and flaws. When you choose to stop thinking negatively about your beloved, they will begin to act differently. Your thoughts are very powerful especially when you add the fuel of emotions.
Exercise: Write down ten negative beliefs you have about your partner and realize just how much you have been unconsciously creating the problem. (Example: “My husband is always yelling,” changes to, “I was taught to yell when I needed someone to pay attention to me and now I choose to find a new empowered way of communicating and respecting my beloved. Or, “My wife does not respect me,” changes to, “My wife respects me.” You receive what you believe.
Take a deep breath. Shifting the focus back onto you is key to self-mastery. Now you can write a list of new empowered beliefs, and you will begin to see things that you did not appreciate begin to melt away and the things you positively FOCUS on will begin to be the reality.
Two: Create the “No Yelling” Policy
Peace in the home begins with making a conscious choice to stop raising our voice. Yelling at each other is an unhealthy habit you most likely picked up from your parents when you were a child. We were taught that if I want this person to listen to me I need to raise my voice. The truth is most people shut down when being yelled at. A new empowered habit is to connect with your Self Mastery Tone, which is your normal and kind voice with assertiveness mixed in. When you are being yelled at you are not being respected and when you are yelling you are not respecting another. Make a “No Yelling” Policy in your home and you will discover more empowering ways of communicating that will make everyone feel more at ease and happy.
Three: Find Agreement
Many couples that are headed for divorce or separation are the ones who can never find agreement no matter what the topic is. He says black and she says white. This is the cycle of “Power Struggle” and the “ego” reigns supreme. The ego will never make you happy, it is always seeking to be right or have its way. When you are connected to your soul you will always want your partner to be happy. When you both come from this perspective of focusing on each other’s, “divine nature” you will always find a way to share four powerful words, “You are absolutely right.” Then you can say, “I hear what you’re saying, you are absolutely right, I see why you believe that.”
Four: Uplift, Inspire and Encourage
This means No More Name Calling! When couples call each other names it means there is a self within we call the ‘Inner Bully’ and this self feels insecure and unloved. The old model of relationships is when I feel hurt I will hurt you back. In the Evolution of Relationship model, when you feel hurt you know there is some personal development work you need to do to heal your inner bully. Here you seek to find more effective and healthy ways of expressing your emotional pain.
Five: Focus on Similarities and Respect Differences.
Instead of focusing on flaws and faults begin today to focus on your beloved’s beautiful soul. We all have different ways of seeing the world and whether one is more optimistic than the other, each must be respected for their values, beliefs and ideas. Now write a list of ten things you both love, appreciate and enjoy about life. Then every day remind yourself how blessed you are to have this person in your life. Remember, your differences can bring forth incredible opportunities of grow and expand your world.
Six: Never compare your present partner with your past relationships.
Sometimes your partner may not understand just how much comparing him or her to someone in your past will affect them. One of the lowest blows you could ever deliver to a woman or man is telling them you wish they were more like someone else. This way of thinking may cause the person you love to pull away or close him or her off to you. There’s nothing that drives a person to be the best they can be when you let them know you believe in them, respect them, and have high expectations for them.
Seven: Be Grateful for The One You are With
Do you know what it took for the universe to bring you both together? Did you know that you both have specific life lessons to learn through each other? These lessons can only be learnt if you have a WILLINGNESS to listen to each other. The willingness only occurs when you are grateful for the one you are with. When you are grateful for the one you are with you are focusing on their soul and the kindness that exists within their heart. Remember there is the personality of the person you are with and there is also their soul essence. When you are in gratitude there is no way you can be angry or resentful. Gratitude is one of the highest vibrational qualities and is the fastest way to spiral up above the line. Write ten reasons why you are grateful to be with your beloved.
Eight: Laugh and Have FUN!!
Find ways to laugh with life. We all experience challenges that we need to face in life and these challenges offer life lessons. If we are in resistance to learning these lessons we will experience unnecessary suffering. The universe intended for us to enjoy our time on this planet. When you stop judging others and especially yourself for past mistakes, you begin to cultivate a sense of humour allowing for more harmony to be created in your relationships. You are not here to laugh “at” others. You are here to laugh “with” others.
Nine: No More Blame
You are responsible for how you feel. Every time you are triggered it means you still have some limited beliefs about yourself that you are being called to heal and transform. This is a precious gift your beloved is giving you. The gift of clearing old wounds and seeing life with new eyes. When you stop blaming each other for how you feel and what has happened and begin to take responsibility for your own well being, all your circumstances begin to change to a positive. It can be a challenge to admit how you feel, however, it is the key to living a high vibrational life. To be able to admit that you are feeling fear, that you are feeling insecure, that you are feeling angry or frustrated is the first step to emotional mastery and reclaiming self love in any relationship.
There are many more guidelines to follow, however; these are what I use to each present moment. Life is always changing and the more you stay in the present and LOVE FULLY no matter what..life blesses you in so many ways.